Zuko barely looked into the mirror as he got ready for something he never thought he’d have to deal with. At least not this soon. After all this time, the fighting, the kissing, finally admitting we love each other. We only had so much time. It hardly seems fair. Zuko sighs as he finally looks into the mirror, he sees that his eyes are bloodshot red and puffy. He’s certainly never looked so tired even with all the hours he works at his company.
Zuko worked on his black tie that he was wearing with his designer suit. It was always Sokka’s favorite. The dark red jacket and pants that he always wore with a black tie. Zuko could barely breathe. He looked at his wrapped hand, he knew underneath was raw bloody skin that was still healing. He remembers what started this as looked at his hand.
Three years ago
Zuko took Sokka’s hand as they waited for the doctor to tell them about the results. Sokka had not been feeling well for a long time. His eye has bulged, and he was having vision trouble, his larynx and trachea were causing him to have trouble speaking correctly or breathing sometimes and his skin was very sensitive to pain causing pus and/or blood discharge as well. These were some of the symptoms he had.
Dr. Chang walked in and sat in the chair behind his desk. He looked upset and, in that moment, Sokka and I knew it was bad news. Sokka looked at me with his eyes, one swollen and one perfectly fine looking at me worried.
“I’m sorry to tell you this but Sokka, you have Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma. It seems the other doctor missed it when you two came a few months ago and they thought it was benign conditions such as allergies because you had similar symptoms. We will do everything in our power to help you with this, but you have to understand that you have already hit stage four.” Dr. Chang says sadly. “Treatments will be Endoscopic endonasal surgery, possibly Craniotomy, chemotherapy and radiation therapy. We’ll do all we can to help you.”
“Ok.” Sokka says, trying not to cry. “We’re try it and give it sometime and go from there.” Zuko nods in agreement, unable to speak.
Dr. Chang smiles and they get to work.
Months have gone by, my beautiful Sokka lost a lot of weight. He’s so skinny now, just bones and skin hanging off of him now. He’s still so beautiful but I know he misses the man he used to be. The outdoor, hiking, camping and the artist Sokka was. Everything was fading away except the love we had for each other, the love we had for family and the love he always had for himself.
One night he spoke to me so clearly, so softly, that I thought for a bit he was getting better. That was the voice I knew and fell in love with, the deep voice that always gave me chills and the only voice I wanted to remember. I was crying already because I had a feeling about what he was going to tell me.
“Babe listen to me.” Sokka says softly. There were tears in his eyes but the way he spoke told me this is important. “I’m not going to last the night. It’s my time to go.” He smiles at me with so much love. “Promise me. You’ll continue living life after you’ve taken time to mourn me. I love you and I’m so thankful for the time we had together. I know we had plans over the next however many years we would have together, but I think you knew I was just too far along to save. I love you so much.”
“I love you too babe.” Zuko cries softly. “I’ll try my best to move forward but please, please don’t leave me. You helped me change for the better. You believed in me when no one else did except my uncle Iroh and my mother who passed away years ago. You helped me be me. Please don’t leave me yet I’m not ready.”
Sokka lifts his hand to Zuko’s face and kisses him one last time. When the kiss is finished, Sokka looks into Zuko’s eyes one last time before he passes. Zuko cries as he kneels on the floor holding Sokka’s hand. Katara and Hakoda came in and helped Zuko get up and leave the room. Zuko punched the wall on the way out, having a hard time believing Sokka was gone. Katara, Aang, Hakoda and Bato as well as everyone else had already said their goodbyes over the last few days. Friends and Family breaking down as they shared memories and presents.
The next few days were a blur as Zuko, Katara, Hakoda and Bato planned Sokka’s funeral. Zuko and Katara made sure it was done exactly how Sokka wanted it. Zuko and Hakoda split the costs. Now, the day has come to bury his beloved.
“Zuko?” Katara softly knocks on the door. “Are you ready?”
“No,” Zuko says, rubbing his wounded hand. “It hardly seems fair that he died so young, Katara. He’s only 30. It’s not fair.”
“No, it’s not fair.” Katara says gently. “It’s not fair he left us so early in life especially when you two have been married only about 5 years. He’s going to miss out on so much like he’s soon to be nephew or niece. Unfortunately, we don’t get to decide that though. We all want him here with us, but we’ll eventually have to accept he’s gone physically. His spirit is with us though, everywhere we go.” She gently presses against
Zuko’s chest with her hand over his heart. “He’s always in here though, I know this doesn’t mean much now but one day you’ll be ok. We all will be.”
“Thank Katara.” Zuko smiles halfheartedly before hugging her. “It’s just hard without him. I’m glad he was at peace when he died at least. That is a small comfort.”
“We’re here.” Katara says softly as she grabs his undamaged hand. She leads him out to the car that Aang is driving. Zuko sat in the back as Katara and Aang were up front. It was a silent ride from Zuko’s place to the funeral home.
After a while they pulled up to Riedman’s Funeral home, outside was Hakoda, Bato and plenty of other people who loved Sokka as well. The viewing would last about an hour or 1 ½ hours, and then the service would start. Hakoda hugs Zuko.
“We’re here.” Hakoda says. “You’re not going through this alone, remember that.”
“Thank you.” Zuko softly smiles. “We better go in and start talking to people.”
“Yes,” Hakoda nods. “You should know your sister is here too. Along with Mai and Ty Lee. I know you two don’t have the best past but at least she cared enough to show up.”
“Alright.” Zuko says. “I’ll go talk to her, Mai and Ty Lee then I’ll talk to other people.”
The rest nod and go to talk to other people as Zuko walks up to Azula and her friends.
“Hey you guys.” Zuko says as Ty Lee hugs him. “How are you? It’s been a while.”
“You’re asking us how we are?” Azula says, nicely and sadly. “Your husband fought a battle and lost but you’re asking us how we feel? How are you? That’s more important.”
“Are you doing, ok?” Mai asks. Zuko’s ex-girlfriend always had a soft spot for him even when they went their separate ways. When she started dating Ty Lee and Zuko started dating Sokka.
“No,” Zuko says truthfully. “But given time I will be.”
Azula and Mai take their turns to hug Zuko.
“I did like Sokka, you know.” Azula says. “Sure, he annoyed me sometimes, but he was fun to talk to.”
“Thanks, Azula.” Zuko laughs a little. They continue talking for a bit before Zuko moves around the room to talk to Toph, Suki, Jet and a few others. Zuko was amazed at how many people Sokka befriended in their life. The time passed and Zuko had to do the eulogy. It took time for the people to sit down and settle, especially with the kids that were there. Every student Sokka ever impacted had showed up that day, he taught art to first graders all the way through high school. It was a variety of ages, some of the first students he ever taught came back from their colleges for this. The funeral priest nodded to Zuko when he was ready to start the eulogy.
“Good afternoon, I am Zuko Bluwolf, as many of you know I married Sokka 5 almost 6 years ago now, but we have been together for 8 years. Sokka was my best friend, the man I told everything to. As most of you remember, I actually met Sokka through Azula when he had a stalker. I was asked to be his date for an art gallery that I didn't know at first, he had been a part of. We didn’t get along in the beginning, but we started seeing each more often after that. His friends and mine became part of the same group. Every Time I saw him; he was doing something to help others. Whether it was to make them laugh, just be there for them as they talk, or a hug.Sokka was born to help people find their best selves. He was always full of kindness, love, and wanting to help others. He taught people, especially kids, to know the possibilities. To be the best they can be. He taught us that no matter how famous someone is or how many people they know, that doesn’t matter. It matters how a person touches their lives. If we look around, we can see the love, kindness and positivity that he spread. I hope we can carry this in our hearts and teach this lesson to others. We will certainly miss him and honor him. We can be glad that now he is at peace and no longer in pain. We also thank you for being here today to help us honor his life. Thank you.”
Zuko sits down next to Katara who places her hand on his arm as the preacher continues the sermon with a few readings and poetry that Katara and Toph were asked to read. Toph read Sokka’s favorite poem, and her husband Huru ended up helping her through it because she started crying. It was hard to imagine Toph crying, she loved Sokka like he was her brother.
Katara read a poem Sokka actually wrote for her once when he was younger. He was many things, a writer, a painter, sculptor, and much more. In both Katara and Zuko’s homes there were many art projects done by Sokka. Zuko was barely paying attention as Hakoda stepped up to talk as well.
“One thing a parent is afraid of the most is their kid dying before them. I watched this young man grow up from a curious, loving child into a daring, intelligent, loving teenager. When he went to college and he decided to pursue art, I was so happy for him and encouraged him. He was doing something he loved and when he met Zuko. At first, they didn’t get along one hundred percent but the more they were together the more you knew what they had was special. When Sokka and Zuko finally got together, Sokka made sure to make Zuko happy and Zuko did the same. Watching them grow and fall in love was a privilege just like it was with Katara and Aang. Their life together was amazing and while yes, they had their fights and arguments, they always worked it out. It wasn’t perfect. Nothing ever it is but they grew and understood each other. That is what matters. The years went by, and they were talking about growing their family as Zuko’s company grew like crazy.” Hakoda smiles at the thought of grand kids. “Then Sokka got sick and we were all scared. Sokka stayed brave for all of us. He was a fighter and just when it seemed to get better, it was over. Sokka, my son, I’m so proud of the way you fought. I’m proud of the man you became and while it isn’t fair you were taken away from your sister Katara, your dad Bato, your husband Zuko, the rest of your family, friends and me. We will forever love you and carry you in our hearts.”
Hakoda returns to his seat next to Zuko and Bato. Bato grabs his right hand as Hakoda grabs Zuko’s hand with his left. Zuko is reminded that he’s not alone and a few tears fall. The priest says a few more prayers and a closing statement. Katara hadn’t spoken because she was even more emotional due to her pregnancy hormones. She has not been able to stop crying since the speeches began. Aang has been holding her the whole time. Bato stood up after the service to make an announcement.
“We do have a late lunch available if you would like to join us in the room right across the hall.” Bato says. “As for the burial it is only family and a few close friends who have already been asked to attend. We appreciate your understanding and for coming today to support us. Please make your way to the other room and enjoy.”
“Zuko,” Hakoda says softly as the guests file out of the room and across the hall. “Do you want a few moments before they close the casket?”
“Yes,” Zuko says with a shaky voice. “Please.”
“I’ll let them know.” Hakoda says.
“Wait please….” Zuko hates how his voice sounds but he continues. “Stay with me.”
“Of course, son.” Hakoda looks at Bato who nods. Bato gathers Katara, Aang, Toph, Huru and a few others to join everyone in the dining hall.
Hakoda stands a bit behind Zuko as he approaches the casket. It was a beautiful black casket with a painting similar to the starry night van Gogh painting on the inside, with a beautiful midnight blue lining for Sokka. Zuko made sure Sokka had nothing but the best.
“It’s way too soon to say goodbye to you, Sokka.” Zuko says sadly, looking at the lifeless body. “We had plans to travel. Possibly having kids one day. I don’t know what to do with myself now.” Zuko quietly laughs. “Remember, our last trip before you were hospitalized. We traveled to Ba Sing Se and really took in the sights. We saw plays and everything. The zoo that Aang works at and Katara’s practice. She helps everyone regardless of how much money they have. We saw Toph who teaches blind kids and has the world's biggest soft spot for the kids she teaches. Huru is a farmer but Toph loves him anyway because her family's money never mattered to her. Right after that you had to leave your career.” Zuko sniffs as Hakoda places his hand softly on Zuko’s shoulder. “It was getting to be too much with all the treatments and being sick pretty much all the time. The kids were so sad and the parents who loved you, threw you the best party. All the kids, your teacher friends, even the principal showed up, and the superintendent of schools. You were always an easy person to be friends with but most of them never knew what our group knew. You never once let the bad times shine through because you knew you had to live a day at a time. Even in the hospital, you were smiling and laughing. You were putting others before yourself, never letting your illness bring you down even when it got really bad. I will always love and admire you for that. You promised me forever even before we got married five years ago and I’m glad we lived life to the fullest. The best we could anyway.” Zuko lets out another shaky breath as more tears fall. Ever since Sokka passed, it seems like the tears never stopped falling. “I intend to keep my promise and move forward once I am ready. I will always love you, but I’ll keep living my life the best I can without you. Thank you for the love you gave me, the family I always wanted, our best friends and the best life I could have ever asked for. I hope you’re at peace and that you know I’ll never love someone else like I love you. Goodbye Sokka.”
“Thank you for making my son happy.” Zuko turns towards Hakoda and he hugs the younger man. “He had so much love for you and no regrets.”
“He’s the only person I could ever love like that.” Zuko says before blowing his nose onto a kleenex. “We gave each other so much. Family, friends and more. There is no one else for me at least when it comes to love like that.”
“I understand that.” Hakoda steers the younger man out of the room as the casket is closed. Zuko and Hakoda then mingle among the guests, recalling memories both sad and happy. Zuko smiled when all of Sokka’s kids, the ones he taught, all handed Zuko paintings, other art projects and writings about their favorite teacher. Hours flew by before everyone finally returned to their homes.
Zuko walks through the door of an empty house. He drops his keys in the dish on the table by the door. It has been months since he really stepped foot in their house. Spending all the nights at the hospitals or Katara’s place or even Hakoda’s and Bato’s place. Zuko walks through the house, hearing echoes of Sokka calling him or hearing the rustle of Sokka in his art rooms. Zuko stops in front of Sokka’s clay room.
Following the pull, The short black hair man steps into his husband’s pottery room. He can hear the turning of the table like Sokka is going to make a new pot or something. The grieving man stops in front of a table seeing a clay statue he has never seen before with a note addressed to him. It was a beautiful molded fire meets water heart with a note in front of it. Zuko begins to read it.
Dear Zuko,
I know my time is limited in this world even before we took the trip to Ba Sing Se. It was amazing to see everyone. I want you to know I hate knowing I have to leave you soon. We’ve never been good with our emotions in public, but it never made my love for you or your love for me any less. These years with you whether it was as friends, lovers or spouses, have been the best years of my life. Just knowing who you are and learning something new about you all the time made it worth wild.
I’m still sorry I can’t fulfill my promise of a lifetime with you. These years will never feel like they were enough but I’m glad to even have that with you. All the times we fought, we made up, talking about hopes and dreams for the future. The fact you never gave up on me and I never gave up on you, gave me hope for an amazing future together.
When I found out I had cancer, I was scared. Scared about what it could mean, about how it could affect us and our future. I had heard the stories about people leaving their partners because of that and while I never thought you would leave me. I still knew it could change everything and it did. I hated knowing you were watching me die, slowly but surely. I hated the cancer knowing what it was putting you through even though I accepted what it was putting me through. All the treatments, the weight loss, losing my abilities to teach or practice art. I hated everything but what I hated the most was the pain it put you through. It had been the last thing I ever wanted.
Despite it all, you stood by me, you went through every appointment, every treatment, every surgery, and every mood swing. You never once complained at least to me. I don’t know if you found a group to help support you but I hope you did or that you will. I felt useless when I couldn’t do anything anymore, but you never made me feel useless, dumb or anything negative. I wanted to leave you something to remind you of what we had. So with the last bit of my strength, I created this statue of our love. I hope you like it and think of me as well as the love we had. I want it to remind you that no matter what love lives on. I’ll see you again one day.
Love, Sokka.
“Thank you, love.” Zuko says, crying and holding the letter and the little statue close. “I’ll always remember you Sokka. I love you.”
